So…Poetry?

Ladies and Gentlemen,
I implore you
To explore the inner workings of my head
For this is what you’ve been waiting for
For me to wake from my bed
–  Eliasaph Maze Anderson

I am fully aware that I have been slacking on updating my blog and I deeply apologize, however, as a future professional writer I have become much more serious on how I want my writing to sound and look and to be read. Therefore, I take more time to write stories I would usually write in a day for the shits and giggles. So stay tuned for those wonderful treats because I am finishing up last edits on many projects as well as starting many more. However, today is all about poetry. Most of these poems I wrote at the beginning of this year while the last two I wrote in the past week. I wrote these in many different styles, moods, and degrees of “abstractness.” Also they vary in how well they’re written. The first was written to be terrible, so have fun with that. And my poem “Fools” can be read with the title as part of the poem or without, which is why I didn’t put the title in bold. Alrighty, no more disclaimers, have fun reading, friends. Be back soon.

 

Deliciously Bad Poem: Sanctuary

Coffee & coffee how I love thee
Books & even more books, so many to read
Movies all day satisfy me
And chili cheese dogs are thy feeds.
Groovy smoothies and rad tunes can be had in the kitchen
Gaze at the stars through the spectacular, amazing skylight
Which has been dubbed bitchin’.
I can do whatever my heart desires
I can forget all of my worldly troubles
For I am the key to my own wicked inner sanctum
My Sanctuary

 

Fools

Belonging wraps her arms around them

Hallucination

Sparks twitter around the clouds

Lightning yearning to dance

Suffocation

Broken fragments of red glass occupy sacred ground

Cuts are inflicted, but no scars show

Hollow

Rogues howl to their goddess for providence

Only to have a shadow’s breath whisper by

Loyalty

Men scurry through the wilderness into the clearing

Wolves waiting

 

Happy Days

The wheels turn on the rainbow road

My soles keep pushing clockwise

My will refuses to slow down and take a breath.

Cars zip through the Sahara as I follow

With my body seventy percent evaporated.

At long last, a decline appears and my body freezes in the plastic negative

My brain’s natural helmet rests on the bars of the metal ram

The tumbling rumble of the rumbling tum would not cease like

A lie being swished around a building of spies

You have reached your destination, my internal gps

One small step for man, though man has had one too many drinks of low spirits, man leans over towards the grass.

Red waterfall spews from my mouth with white chunks of mystery meat.

Vile as it may be, it smiles as it droops toward the sidewalk. I smile back, sincerely. The first one in months.

Up, once again I vomit

Joyful cries of children

Visions from childhood days of pancakes made by mom and naps in grassy fields

To feel bliss like that again makes this a successful day

 

To Feel

After months of submitting to the monochrome motions of the escalator of life, I have been able to run up and down the stairs. Laughter that lasts longer than NCIS, a zip tie wraps around the already swirling whirlpool in my stomach, slowly closing the knot upon itself, I might just die, as long as I continue to feel. Darkness begins to consume the periscopes attached to my face, but the care-free bliss that toasts my heart and sets my mind at serenity lets my soul fly alongside the musical notes of high-larity.

A mystical jewel rolls down my face as I remember that the funniest joke in existence…

Is me

 

Tiny Encyclopedia

I see you wave at me from afar and Technicolor embers burst out of my eyes

That dopey U appears.

As I sit at the table with a sixteen ounce cup of dark brown bean water, working on my new story, I find it trying to not gaze at those brilliant rays of light emphasizing your finely sculpted features. Two spoonfuls of sugar. A smidge of cream.

Burnt cocoa locks cascading down your white mocha shoulders

Rose gloss enticing your victims to lean in for their last meal

Even those bronze plates you use to glare at me when I make a jester’s joke shifts to gold in the right light

You don’t find me funny          but my foolishness amuses you

Talking to you is like speaking to the Mexican Sandy Olsson with more Sriracha

You catch me mesmerized by this elegant painting and tell me

You’re flattered but not interested in an unusually familiar deep tone

Blink and blink but Eugene’s clone is still in view        Pupils roll toward the sky

The mirage is gone

I glance at the tiny fluorescent screen and see you’re still waving

 

Dogs

How are we different

You and I?

I call and you come running, you call and I’m already there.

We both walk side by side without a chain to keep us from going too far, no matter what fabric it’s made out of

You could take a trip to Siberia and back if you desired and I wouldn’t mind

As long as you returned to me, I wouldn’t even need a souvenir, I just want you

Near, beside me, on the couch watching TV

I trust you and hope you trust me. I suppose you do because your grey and black fur is the infinite evidence that proves you lie with me at night

To protect me

From pain.

I may have bought you but you are not my slave or pet, you are my friend

In the truest sense of the word

You’re my

Wingman, but you’re getting all the numbers

You rigged the game, you mixed-eyed bandit

Change it back, so I can bask in fame.

Though I paid for you and you’re free to leave

Do you stay out of respect or obligation? Fondness or pity?

Am I your master or are you mine? Is anyone in control?

You bark for me to muzzle it as you stare at the vast and endless array of clouds

You’re fascinated by Mother Nature’s coloring of the floating cotton balls you love to eat so much. The navy blue splashed on top of the orange shmears accompanied by the pink accents.

Even you can’t look away from the visually delicious buffet of the world.

You’re right, there is no difference.

 

There’s a Difference

By

Eliasaph Maze Anderson

I want you
Not need you
That’s the difference

If I needed you, I wouldn’t care for you
Carry you
That’s the difference

I wouldn’t feel for you
Feel with you
I’d be bare with you
High with you, not driving by for you
Not being there when you want me to
That’s the difference

If I didn’t want you, my dreams wouldn’t involve you
Our bond wouldn’t be anywhere close to true

That’s the difference

 

Pay No Mind

By

Eliasaph Maze Anderson

How can I advert my eyes when you look at me like I am the only one at the bar?
A spotlight emphasizes my importance to you as if you are the only one to take the time to relight my spot on the chandelier.
I sit and stay and stare at the door after you leave me to myself,
Though my tail only flutters for the one I adore.
Clocks will tick, phones won’t ring,
Imagining angels appear in the audience as you sing.
My head drops down to the floor the same way a student sits their head upon their desk

My mind delves into what it deems best.

You pay me no mind like a free month subscription to Spotify premium
Chilling with friends and they ask you, what do you see in him?
You tell them, you don’t know
If you knew then you would care enough not to disrupt the flow
The flow of electricity you and I get to see and lose ourselves to while our souls travel across dimensions to a sanctuary
No one knows
Where I can be alone, but not with you
You may like the view, but nothing else
And it may not be what you’re thinking, but you’re also not speaking
‘Cause you pay me no mind
And it’s been a long time since we’ve spoken, yet you’re unable to tell me real quick that you’re feeling broken,
So go away
Or that you’ve been spending time with friends drinkin’
Can’t talk today

I want you to be blunt
Let me know it’s gonna be a few months
So I should sit back and keep smoking my blunts
Have my friends sit me in a corner and place on my head a hat that reads dunce
More than once
Spend the time thinking of how hard I fell for your magic like a romantic for Shakespeare’s tragics
I was warned not to let the idea of you into my bed, is what they said
And if I looked around and listened
I could hear other sweet sounds that make my eyes glisten
And like a clown, I smile
Send you a text and star gaze at the Nile
Check my phone and find my message idle

I could be in a tomb, solving a mystery with Scooby-Doo, unlike the rest of the gang, I’d continue to think, where are you?

Because I refuse to see the clue
Right in front me
I’m unable to set my mind right
But I have to see
‘Cause in hindsight
The thought of you makes my heart bite
Yearning to be held tight
And I get other calls
But I wait for yours
Because I’m patient
And hesitant to close doors
Especially, one so fantastic
It’s authentic, not plastic, I know for sure

Though your impending goodbye scares me
My world is not asunder
Like an Egyptian cat, I’ll shake it off and continue to be legendary
But you pay me no mind and that drifts me to wonder

 

 

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I’m Still Awake

Hey, Everyone. To those who still read this blog, I am here to say…I’m ready. I’m back, I’m alive, and I’m ready to get back to what I love doing. Writing fun stories. I have spent all summer on one giant and epic story that will probably run till the end of time. It’s the story I’m choosing to make my return with because it’s about life. Not just life, though, but my life. I’m going to share with everyone what I learn and have learned from life from my perspective with everyone that I know, have known, or come across on my journeys. Couldn’t I just write journal entries on my life? Yes, whoever is asking that question, I could, but that’s a little more personal than I would like and my way is more fun. Also, I already write about my life in a journal, so that would be redundant.

Anyway, I would like to tell everyone where I am at in life and it’s sort of a weird place. Albeit, it’s my apartment, but it is also a place of peace. I am going to school, earning my creative writing degree, working at my kick-ass job, the Raging Sage Cafe, as a barista, and paying bills for my cozy and cheap condo with my 2 roommates and I am sincerely happy. I am at a happy and nervous and exciting place in my life and I honestly don’t know what to do but to keep walking and explore. This condo I’m living in is officially my first apartment and I ended up in a very nice place for how cheap the rent is. It became even nicer after finally got a bed after the first month here. And then it became even better after my roommates and I bought a kitchen table and a second couch. I like to refer to my new couch as my napping couch because, well, the obvious. Ever since we got the couch, I made it my mission to nap on it as much as possible. When I come home from class, sleep on the couch. Come home from work, sleep on the couch. Finished homework at four in the morning, I might as well sleep on the couch because I got class at eight.

Speaking of which, it’s 2 a.m. and I’m still awake. Why? Because one of my roommates had a barbecue today, which turned into a party that lasted until 12:30 and my place was a mess. I’m not mad or anything. I had a ton of fun, actually. I finished work late, so I missed the BBQ, but I enjoyed the party. We watched Pokemon on Netflix and played drinking games – with the good beer, thank the gods – and played volleyball and Cards Against Humanity. I had a blast. It was the first college party that I didn’t regret going to. That wasn’t just a waste of time. My roommates goofy friends and the laid back and geeky atmosphere of the party reminded me of hanging out with my friends back on the east coast and our laid back, geeky activities. But without the alcohol. After everyone finally decided to leave, so I could sleep, the apartment was a mess. chips and dip all over the table and counter; Cards and various empty beer and vodka bottles on the floor; leftover lettuce and tomatoes on the kitchen counter and dirty dishes lying around. But guess what? We had one roll of paper towels left; a swiffer and wet jet, but no pads; no broom or dustpan; and we were out of trash bags. So, being the only sober and conscious person, I walked down the street to the grocery store and bought all the cleaning supplies we needed. Needless to say, my apartment is clean once again and I can now go to sleep without any worries. The best part is is that all the food and drinks leftover is mine to devour for the next week. And no, not the booze, I mean the sodas.

Anyway, after all of that, I successfully received the notes of edits on my latest story from my second editor and am ready to publish part one on here. However, before I just come out with my story, I wanted to make a not so brief introduction. This was all just to let the world know that I am still awake.

 

If We Were Having Coffee…

If we were having coffee, we’d be in my favorite cafe, The Espresso Bar, and I’d be drinking the best chai latte I have ever had called the chai way to heaven. It’s the chai latte of the gods. We’d sit down at the table in the middle of the dining area with the chess board. The best table in the house. After we took our seats, I’d tell you why I haven’t written any new stories in the past month. For those who truly know me, you’ve seen my serious face. I don’t show that face very often because it is the side of me I hate to bring out. Many terrible memories come with my serious, no bullshit personality.

I would look at you with my serious face and tell you I’ve been busy lately. That and I’ve had a bit of writer’s block. I would tell you that I have relapsed into the darkness. You would then put on a questionable look or if you know what I’m talking about, a look of concern would appear. I would continue my story nonetheless, not caring if you understood me or not. I had recently flew back to my parents place in Virginia. Winchester was a place I used to call home, no matter how much I hated it. I’d then tell you it was the place itself I hated, not the people. I went home for one reason and that was to help my friends. For the most part, it was a pretty good week. I visited my favorite band director and got tips on how to play the bass guitar. I spent a few days with one of my best friends since middle school. And those who know him, know that this friend can be a bit of an ass, however, I enjoy hanging out with him because no matter how bad he may treat me or how much he insults or makes fun of me, I know that he will always have my back. He supports me in almost all of my decisions and is completely honest with me. During my trip he did something I, nor anyone who knows him for that matter, would expect. He gave me an early birthday celebration and bought me a coconut cream pie, my favorite pie, and a Legend of Zelda journal to write in. This is the same friend who has known me for 10 years and never remembers when my birthday is. The last time I asked him when it was he thought the month it was in didn’t even exist, so the fact that he did that was a big deal to me. It meant that no matter what, our friendship would never wither away.

As we sit there sipping our drinks, I would then remember that I went too far off topic and get back to the main story. I was glad and flew back to see that friend because he was one of the people I was worried about, but not as much as some others. I spent time with 3 more friends during that week. One goofy guy who was down on himself last time I saw him because he didn’t believe in himself. He felt insecure because he felt that what he wanted to do with his life wasn’t as meaningful as his other friends. He wanted to be in the FBI while his friends wanted to be engineers. I told him that he shouldn’t feel bad because what he was doing was kickass and just as important as his friends stuff. I mean, he’s going to be a cop. That’s not only cool, but a noble and courageous profession. In return for lifting his spirits, he made me feel better about myself for some problems I had been going through. That weekend though, he had been as happy as can be. He had some girl troubles and we talked about it, watched a movie, and left him in good tidings. The last 2 friends were harder to help, I’m afraid, and I would soon tell you about the reason I’ve been so down.

The next friend of mine was a guy I love hanging out with because we get along so well and I feel like he understands my pain more than most. He was a bit depressed because of his college classes and he was having trouble with this girl that he was crushing on real hard. He loved spending time with this girl and became sad when she suddenly stopped talking to him. Turns out that girl’s sister had just been diagnosed with a serious illness and was deeply distraught. Not knowing that girl’s family struggle at that time he asked her something he regretted because it made him seem like a dick, which made him ashamed. We spent a lot of time together that week, however, when I left he was still in bad shape. I failed him. He also helped me bring happiness to another friend that week. A girl who fell so deep in the abyss of darkness that she made a bed there and slept in it all the time. She didn’t want to move. I don’t blame her all that much because I was the same way in my childhood. Except I walked through the darkness, instead. Even found the edge once. Almost jumped. This girl’s father had just died and she had no one to talk to. She had no real friends. On top of that, she hurt herself and was the most insecure person I’ve ever met. She had no self-confidence whatsoever.

I would ask you, “Have you ever met a gorgeous girl who thought they were ugly?” That was my first time and no matter how much I told her she was not ugly, she didn’t believe me. One day in that week, she had skipped school for a few hours, yes, she’s in high school, and my other friend and I drove her around town. We had a good day. And I could tell she had a great time. But her happiness was temporary. The warmth we showed her, the amazing light that overcame her darkness whisked away just as fast as it came. I failed her as well. I flew back home to Tucson knowing that I had failed to help 2 of my friends. I had the warmth of the desert sun on my back and felt cold.

At this point, you would probably tell me that I shouldn’t feel bad. I tried my best and that’s what matters. That I told them what I felt they needed to hear and now it’s up to them. Well, I would tell you that that’s bullshit. You may tell me that their problems are not my own, but to me, that not true. I don’t see it that way. I see it as my friends are in pain and I need to do everything in my power to make them happy. Even if it makes me sad. I have this ability that I’ve been cursed with since birth. The power of empathy. I feel the emotions of others and my emotions are affected by them. This past week, I had a chat with a friend about her depression. She didn’t show it, but she was so depressed that she wanted to cry and I knew that because I spent much of that day with her and even though it wasn’t a bad day for me, I felt stressed and empty inside and felt like crying.

As I finish the rest of my chai tea and take a moment for you to take this all in, I would tell you about something one of the most influential people in my life had said. This person is Cory Matthews from the TV show Boy Meets World. He is now in the hit TV show Girl Meets World. On the show, her taught the audience and his history class the secret of life. And that secret is that people change people. I would explain that people’s lives are determined by those who surround them, and that people’s happiness, love and strength come from others. That secret is like playing guess who with someone you barely know. It’s like trying to solve a riddle on the app of your phone. It’s like playing ‘Who’s That Pokemon’ back when you were little and you barely knew any of the Pokemon. Once you saw the person’s face, or spent points to automatically answer the riddle, or waited for the commercial break for them to tell you what Pokemon it was, the answer seemed so freaking easy. It makes so much sense right then and there that you feel like an idiot for not knowing it.

I would tell you that I live a complicated life. Not just because of my own problems, which are more than I care to admit, but because I take it upon myself to support the lives of my friends and family so they can live one filled with more joy than my own. Am I a good person? No. I’m just a dumbass who doesn’t have anything better to do. A guy who’s soul is tainted by guilt and sadness that he feels he will seek redemption by helping others. Actually, that’s not very accurate. Is my soul tainted? Yes. Have I done bad things. Yep. Do I seek redemption? No, I don’t care for that. I just feel that helping others achieve a joyful life is the right thing to do, so I do it. Meanwhile, in doing so, I have ended up making myself feel a little depressed and it’s affecting my school work, my writing, and my time with my friends who do nothing but make me laugh.

At this time, I would stare into my empty cup and wish I had enough money to buy another. I would then lighten the mood by putting on a smile and telling you about this cute girl I met on my flight and about the fun time I had with my parents and my old boss at the museum I used to work at. I would look and ask you for advice on what I should do and finally realize that you were never there to begin with. That you were just a figment of my imagination. Then the entire cafe would dissipate into the air and leave me back in the tiny park next my dorm. I had been staring at the stars when I drifted off to sleep around 4 am. Then I’d walk back to my room and go to sleep for another few hours until I had to get up for class. That dream would be pushed to the back of my mind, soon to be forgotten.

I apologize for my readers for not posting a story this time, however, this technically was a story. I usually would never share any of these things with people I thought couldn’t handle it, but I know not many people actually read my blog, so it wouldn’t matter anyway. And that it is my blog and I don’t really care at this time to reveal a bit about myself. This is something that I needed to get off my chest and hopefully, in doing so, some people have gained something out of this story. I have no idea what that should be, but I have this strong vibe that this post might be a tiny bit helpful to someone somewhere besides myself. Expect plenty of new stories to be posted this month and my usual joking self. To my friends and family…thank you.